The Journey in Pursuit Happiness

Hello world!

Happiness: What is it? How does one attain it and hold on to it?

So many questions. Only one answer: Nobody knows.

But I do know this - happiness is all everywhere you are. Wherever you find yourself, in any position. In any situation, you always have a choice: what are you gonna make of this situation? Are you gonna be happy or concentrate on the negative.

Over the past 7 days; I have experienced happiness in it's truest form.


This time last week, I was headed back to Pretoria from having spent the whole day in the presence of people who really bring out the best in me. My best friend Fe, her boyfriend, my girlfriend and I were at Haartebeesport Dam for some Summer gig that had the craziest line-up you can ever imagine. The very best (and worst) musical talent (and lack thereof) South Africa has to offer.

Granted the night ended waaay too early for us for some inexplicable reasons; but instead of dwelling on that. Remembering that day isn't clouded by that tiny bit of detail. Not because we are acting like it never happened. But because if we chose to focus our attention on the negative, it would definately mess up our recollection of that fantastic (this is my first time using this word in any form of speech, so you know it was just too damn good - look) night.


Again a few days later, the Saturday, had a super chilled picnic with my girlfriend then later the whole gang went out again on a night of ass-kickery in the form of ten-pin bowling. I say ass-kickery with a big grin on my face because I was at the very top of my game. Playing like an endorsement deal was on the line. :)

I was (and still am) having the time of my life. And you can't blame me. I had just had a damn good four weeks at work, and was off (and still am) work for another four weeks. What more could I possibly ask for!? Don't answer that.

Today after spending a good two whole days indoors (internetting) , I decided to go into town just to see what I can get myself.

I got myself a copy of Musiq Soulchild's latest album - OnMyRadio. Playing it right now actually.

Anyway. On my way back from town. I decided to take a stroll in the rain while kicking some killa remixes to some songs playing in my head. Including the new Kid Cudi song titled "Pursuit of Happiness" (may not be new, but rather new to me!)

I may not have found complete happiness, but if I continue on this path; the journey won't be too long.

Halaala!

**edit: almost forgot. Got me these Smoking Bud Rasta in-earphones from Skullcandy:

read more...

girlfriend

I know I said I would post a picture of my girlfriend here when she finally materialises (LOL) but for some reason, I just can't bring myself to doing it. I have no idea why...

Bear with me please...

haha!

read more...

< untitled />

Yesterday I spent most of my time walking up and down Long Street. i went into every other arts & craft shop there.
For those of you who don't know, Long Street is basically what you might consider the main artery (excuse the pun) of Cape Town. That's basically where you'll find most clubs, restaurants, and some really cool locally designed stuff.
During my walks, I came across a store that sells hand made bags and sandals and other little accessories like ear rings and such.

Allow me to just shift off-topic a little: I had always promised myself that when I finally do get myself a girlfriend I would spoil her with all the things I think my girlfriend should have. Simple things, killa one-of-a-kind type of things.
The main reason for this being, I like to believe I'm a pretty original guy, I don't always like what the majority loves, I have my own taste in things, be they decorative or otherwise. I just love having things that you wouldn't find easily. I buy things where people wouldn't expect me to. Buy at prices people wouldn't expect me to. And armed with that, I am able to have things most people wouldn't normally have.
Now that I've got that out of the way...

So I saw this killa handbag made out of an old vynil LP. (I don't actually know what it's really called, just that I'm from a generation of tapes, CDs and MP3s.) And in keeping with the pledge of getting spilling my sense of style over to my girlfriend (LOL), I bought her this:

I'm not too sure why, but when I saw it, she was the first person I thought
I should buy it for. So I did.

She was flippin extatic when I handed it to her...

pfft... girls!

read more...

The 17 month breakup!

Yeah, so this is it.

Monday I broke up with my girlfriend. Not a big deal really. Only thing is that I'd been with this girl for about 17 months or so...

Let me tell you what happened that led to Monday (and the reasons why I dumped her)...

I met this chick at work. It was her first day and I kinda liked what I saw. So I decided to persue her... which I did. I later found out that she had a dude. Who lived outside the country (Botswana to be exact) They had met at varsity, so since she'd come to work in GP (and a few months before that) distance had already started to take it's toll on the relationship, as a result. They weren't necesarily as close as they used to be. But the love was still there apparently. because they'd been together for around 3 years or something.

So now, the months went by and we got very very close, we became the best of friends. Able to talk about anything and everything. Obviously at the beginning I wasn't seeing her as the mother of my kids and wedding bells and stuff like that, it was kind of a companionship thing. Although at the beginning I was also involved with someone, but it was nothing serious. I broke it off as soon as I met this new one. With no hopes of building anything serious or anything like that...

I couldn't trust her
As time went on, we had gotten so close, that her relationship with the dude (let's call him AB) was starting to seriously bother me. Because I felt like everytime she went back home or to Botswana, she would make sure that she hooked up with him.

She's a liar AND I couldn't trust her!
At around June, last year, I was chilling at my flat and she called me telling me she'd be going somewhere with her cousin. I wasn't bothered by this because she'd gone somewhere with her cousin before and she was alright.

I only found out later that night that she was nowhere near her cousin for a whole 4 hours. She had gone out with some dude who she claimed had known for a while from back home. So that seriously pissed me the fuck off. I couldn't understand why she'd said she would be going out with her cousin.
She couldn't come up with any good reason. Even the bad ones sucked.

So that night I spent most of the night in tears cause she'd fucking lied to me (repeatedly) simply to go out with someone she knew I was against her seeing. <- does that make sense?

Anywayz, after a whole lot of begging and pleading and crying and apologising, which took almost the whole week, I forgave her, but assured her that I could never ever trust her again.
(that was in June '06)

I ended up having to talk to this motherfucker, telling him to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend. He didn't wanna listen, claiming that they just friends and there's nothing for me to worry about. Bullshit, I wasn't gonna be taking advice from somebody who was meddling in my relationship knowing I existed. Fuck him.

...she fucked up again

October '06, she fucked up one more time, for good measure...

She started flirting with somebody in the same company we worked at. 'Behind my back', or so she thought. I was fully aware of what she was doing. Until one day I confronted her about it. Told her to stop this bullshit before this goes too far and somebody gets hurt. (that was on a Friday)

Then the following Monday, the flirting starts all over again. I make her aware that I know what she's up to, only then does she tell this mofo to back off a little coz quote "somebody doesn't like it" I was like what the fuck is that supposed to mean!?!

So later on in the week I confront her again, and only then does everything stop. I asked her what she was trying to do, and all I get is some stupid "nothing was going on" crap!

At the end of '06, they (AB & she) broke up coz AB was busy sleeping with somebody else and managed to let it slip during a phone conversation to her. [shame, poor bastard]

So anywayz, let me just fast forward to last week Friday...

So she had went home this past weekend, and was to return on the Sunday. She was supposed to start a new job on Monday...

In the mean time, we had had a fight over some lousy sms she'd sent me. So things were a bit tense over the weekend. We didn't speak much.

So on the Sunday she returned, and we chilled for a while but things were still not okay.

The Monday morning (of the breakup), I was supposed to go to work but then decided I wasn't going anymore. Made up some excuse to my boss that I was going to see a dentist later that day (which was true, but I could've still went to work).

So she leaves early to get to work. I walk her to go catch a cab, then I returned to my place, where I just chilled for a few seconds before she'd call to say she'd left her phone behind and that I should please switch it off for her.
That's when I started getting supicious. Then instead of doing what i was told, I decided to conduct some private investigating of my own. I went through her SMS inbox, and there was nothing there. OK. Then I proceeded to her call register. Went through her dialed calls, then noticed AB's number. This came as a surprise, because she had said to me that she didn't have airtime over the weekend which is why she never called me. Which I belived at the time, but now I was a bit confused. How is it possible that she managed to call him and not me. What the hell was going on here...????

So I checked her received calls, and saw that he also called her. That was fine. There's pretty much nothing I can do to stop him from calling. But they had broken up, why the fuck were they calling each other if they had broken up months ago??

I went back to her Inbox, to check if I had missed anything. I hadn't, there was nothing there. I think she had deleted all the SMSs they were sending each other.

This serously pissed me the fuck off!!

A few minutes later, she calls her own phone; obviously to check if I had switched it off, which I hadn't.

After that, she calls my phone, and asks me why I haven't switched it off yet. I tell her becuase she doesn't have voicemail, might as well at least see who called [Missed calls] so she can call them back or something. Instead she tells me to switch it off regardless, coz "you-know-who" might call.

That angered me even more. I was like "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, I thought you had broken off all comuncation with him." she says "I have." I'm like, "Fuck that, I know for a fact you two have been calling each other." She's like "SO!!" then habgs up. Obviously I'm feeling kinda helpless coz I can't call her back and give her a piece of my mind. So I decided to fucking dump her as soon as she walks though the door...

So I go to my dentist appointment...

As soon as I got back, I went straight to her stuff and started packing everything. All the stuff I had bought her, her photos, her underwear, EVERY-FUCKING-THING!

Later on in the day, when she got back, she tries to act like nothing's wrong. She comes in, asks me where her phone is, I point her to it, and as she goes to get it; she realises that all her shit's been packed and in full display. She turns to me and says "are you dumping me?" and I say no. Coz that would have been to easy and too painless. So I call her to the livingroom, where we site on the couch and i try to reason with her. I ask her to explain exactly what the fuck is going on between her and AB. She says "nothing" it was just a phone call.

after a lot of raw bullshit coming out of her mouth...

I told her that I wasn't gonna stand for this anymore. Asked her what else she was hiding from me, and that I'm not gonna sit around and wait for her to break my heart again. That she'd done that way too may times already. I told her that I don't wanna be with someone like her anymore, that if they were sorting things out behing my bcak i wasn't gonna sit around and wait to get dumped for somebody else. ANd that she's gonna fucking infect me with AIDS coz she'd obviously be sleeping with us both at some point. That I didn't trust her AT ALL and that I want absoltely nothing to dowith her. Which is why I packed everything that belongs to her. And everything I've ever bought her. I didn't/don't want anything that has anything to do with her.

That took around 2 to 3 hours...

At the end of it, she went the whole "I love you so much" route. But it had no impact or even an effect on me. Coz I had had over 8hours to prepare myself for everything. I had broken up with her, made up, dumped her, hated her, called het "bitch" so many time within that 8 hours that whatever she said just bounced off of me.

When she was about to leave, coz I had also kicked her the fuck out, she decided that she was gonna give me space and give me some time to be okay, and that I should call her when I'd made peace with everything so we could get back together.

It was obvious that this bitch didn't get the message, so I just agreed to that just to get her the fuck out of my face.

needless to say, she's till waiting...

There's only one more thing that's left behind, I forgot to pack it coz it was separate from her stuff, a vase I used to always buy her flowers with... <- I don't think that makes a lot of sense... anywayz...

I still have quite a lot on my chest so I'm gonna dump all over again when she comes to get it...

**aaaaahhh so much pain, so little time**

read more...