First of all, I'd like to say toodles to everybody who's in my life. I don't need any of yous!
Yes I said "yous" that's a plural. I'm gonna talk to Mirriam Webster and tell her to add it to her dictionary. And if that's not the right spelling of her name, then tough! She's gonna have to change it too.
Coz at this point in my life, I'm at a point where I am unfuckwithable. Another word I'ma have added. Basically I'm rewriting the history of the world as you know it. Everything's gonna change. EVE-RY-THANG!
From the English vocabulary, to capital cities of small countries all over the world. I'm renaming everything I can't pronounce. Re-spelling everything I can't spell. Y'alls (can you keep up?) are not ready for what's about to commence. Yes. I said "commence". Not "start" or "happen" or any of those basic English words. I said "COMMENCE". Get on my level!
Your whole attitude about everything in your life is about to change. After this, you're gonna have to drink tea out of a coffee mug and your latte from your delicate China.
I'm sure you're read all those paragraphs hoping to at least get an idea of what exactly it is that's about to elevate my level awesomeness to an even greater amount of undisclosednessness. Don't worry, I'm about to inject some knowledge in your medula oblongata (I doubt that's what it's called, but like I said, I'M CHANGING EVERYTHAAANG!)
Yes, that's right... I'm on another level now. I'm not holding the lift. Soon as I see you running I'm pressing the "close door" button. <-- It's a metaphor. I'm adding that to the growing list of metaphors already out there. Not only will people be "jumping the shark" but they will be "riding the skinny greyhound". Yes, I'm adding that one.Who do I call? Matter of fact... Have them call me!
At this point I'm not making any useless calls about changing the English language. Queen Elizabeth better add me on her speed dial. King Zwelithini better add me as a friend on Facebook. Mswati better send her new wife to me for "verification purposes" before marrying! That's how I rolls now. (in case you haven't noticed, all my new words have and "s" at the end. Making them even more awesome. Are you paying attention, Mirriam?)
So... without any much further ado...
Let me just send a major shoutout to everybody who owes me money. Everybody who's ever taken anything away from me. Everybody who's ever taken a picture with/of me. Everybody who has established any sort of contact with me before today!
To each and everyone of yous...
Also... I'm changing everything. Idioms included.
I'm also adding what I'd like to call "comparative-idioms". Write that down, Mirriam.
Here are a few examples for your viewing pleasure so you can get an exclusive into the future of the English language:
All this because of one simple thing. I WON TWO MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS!!!! $2,500,000.00!!!
How lucky am I!? VERY! Out of 250 000 random emails. They picked mine! Not yours. MINE! I'm a winner, you're not. Deal with it and move on.
Sure, that sounds like small change to Bill Gates, but wait till I get to Zimbabwe and convert those many zeros! I'ma be so freaking rich, I'ma come up with a whole new currency.
I might actually have to come up with a new "-illion" to suite my newly found wealth!
Bye everybody! I'm off to build a small island off the coast of Fiji! Population: ME!
Peace out!
read more...
Yes I said "yous" that's a plural. I'm gonna talk to Mirriam Webster and tell her to add it to her dictionary. And if that's not the right spelling of her name, then tough! She's gonna have to change it too.
Coz at this point in my life, I'm at a point where I am unfuckwithable. Another word I'ma have added. Basically I'm rewriting the history of the world as you know it. Everything's gonna change. EVE-RY-THANG!
From the English vocabulary, to capital cities of small countries all over the world. I'm renaming everything I can't pronounce. Re-spelling everything I can't spell. Y'alls (can you keep up?) are not ready for what's about to commence. Yes. I said "commence". Not "start" or "happen" or any of those basic English words. I said "COMMENCE". Get on my level!
Your whole attitude about everything in your life is about to change. After this, you're gonna have to drink tea out of a coffee mug and your latte from your delicate China.
I'm sure you're read all those paragraphs hoping to at least get an idea of what exactly it is that's about to elevate my level awesomeness to an even greater amount of undisclosednessness. Don't worry, I'm about to inject some knowledge in your medula oblongata (I doubt that's what it's called, but like I said, I'M CHANGING EVERYTHAAANG!)
Yes, that's right... I'm on another level now. I'm not holding the lift. Soon as I see you running I'm pressing the "close door" button. <-- It's a metaphor. I'm adding that to the growing list of metaphors already out there. Not only will people be "jumping the shark" but they will be "riding the skinny greyhound". Yes, I'm adding that one.
At this point I'm not making any useless calls about changing the English language. Queen Elizabeth better add me on her speed dial. King Zwelithini better add me as a friend on Facebook. Mswati better send her new wife to me for "verification purposes" before marrying! That's how I rolls now. (in case you haven't noticed, all my new words have and "s" at the end. Making them even more awesome. Are you paying attention, Mirriam?)
So... without any much further ado...
Let me just send a major shoutout to everybody who owes me money. Everybody who's ever taken anything away from me. Everybody who's ever taken a picture with/of me. Everybody who has established any sort of contact with me before today!
To each and everyone of yous...
- Keep the pics.
- Lose my old numbers
- Frame all the pics you have of/with me
- Keep the money!
Also... I'm changing everything. Idioms included.
I'm also adding what I'd like to call "comparative-idioms". Write that down, Mirriam.
Here are a few examples for your viewing pleasure so you can get an exclusive into the future of the English language:
- As angry as Chris Brown (you were expecting this one, right?)
- As faithful as Tiger Woods
- As smart as George Bush
- As hidden as Osama
- As black as Michael Jackson (too soon?)
- As healthy as Magic Johnson (okay... I'ma stop now)
All this because of one simple thing. I WON TWO MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS!!!! $2,500,000.00!!!
How lucky am I!? VERY! Out of 250 000 random emails. They picked mine! Not yours. MINE! I'm a winner, you're not. Deal with it and move on.
Sure, that sounds like small change to Bill Gates, but wait till I get to Zimbabwe and convert those many zeros! I'ma be so freaking rich, I'ma come up with a whole new currency.
I might actually have to come up with a new "-illion" to suite my newly found wealth!
Bye everybody! I'm off to build a small island off the coast of Fiji! Population: ME!
Peace out!
