Successful Black

This post is inspired by the last few tweets I just posted...

Am I the only one who feels that media still pushes the successful, straight-haired black female image down our throats on the daily?

Which were, in turn, inspired by the daily rubbish that's on mainstream media day in and day out!
I fail to understand why Black beauty has been boxed in to fit a certain look. I don't know why the less African you look, the more successful you are perceived to be.

Why is it that the Black woman with the dreadlocks is always depicted as a "naturalist" a "free spirit"? Possible job title = Artist/Freelancer/Self-empoyed. Why?
Why can't a successful black person have dreads and be a successful CEO of some big corporate?

Why must success be linked to looking more European and less Afrikan? Why?

Are dreadlocks and the overall Afrikan look considered untidy? If so why? Is walking around with hair that isn't yours considered more cleaner than my own Afrikan hair? Why though?

That doesn't make sense to me.

Why must the young successful Black female have plastic/fake hair to be taken seriously? Am I the only one who sees flaw n this logic? How is it that plastic hair trumps real hair in the boardroom?
Shouldn't it be the other way round?

If a white person walked into a boardroom full of execs wearing fake black hair, would he/she be taken seriously or laughed at? Would a white person even think of doing something like that? If not, then why must we continue to mold and reshape ourselves to fit what they consider appropriate or acceptable? Why can't our "acceptable" be our acceptable and their acceptable be just that for them?

I hate the fact that we've sidelined our own Afrikan-ness in exchange for what is acceptable by the white race. In fact, I don't think they have so much power over us that they can dictate what is right or wrong when it comes to our appearance. We are imposing these beliefs on ourselves. Actually, no, scratch that. They are imposing these looks on us. They are the ones heading the advertising industry, they are the ones responsible for what we see on our TV screens every day. They dictate what is acceptable and what isn't.
Damn, can't believe I almost fell for that – "it's not them, it's us" shit.
Although at the end of the day us ans individuals are responsible for how we want the world to view us... we really don't have much to refer to. All we are surrounded by are images of success through the eyes of the oppressor. Why can't we have more pro-black success figures instead of what are, in jest, black-painted white ideals?


I'll tell you why, because Blackness is seen as a once off thing. Not an every day occurrence. We are not used to being Black all the time. Not used to being Afrikan all the time. We are given a day, a month every year, where we can be all the Afrikan we want. As long as we go back to what has been set as the default Blackness at the end of it all. Long as we go back to what fist the predefined mold of what a Black Afrikan is supposed to look like so as to keep the white man at ease. Lord knows no one should make the white man uncomfortable in his  world. Stay in your lane. Stay the way they've decided you should look/feel/be.

We need more images of "Black excellence" than the ones we see on the catwalks of successful fashion lines that have that one token Blackie to appease the Blacks. Images that define Black Excellence in what it really is – Black + Excellence. Not the Black nation being successful within the confines of white borders. ... "you can't look a certain way ALL THE TIME" "your version of beauty is doesn't fit my environment"

I'm done. I can go on for hours on this topic...
*sigh*

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@KylaPratt has a baby... So what?

Is it so wrong if someone chooses no to advertise her baby and/or pregnancy to the whole world?

I, for one, absolutely don't think so!

But clearly, for the masses over in Hollywood, who seem to have nothing better to do with their time, it is a crime punishable by stoning!

Yesterday, a tweet showed up on my timeline talking about how Kyla Pratt has a "secret baby". So, me being the curious cat I am, I clicked on the link to find out more.

And this is what I came across:

According to popular online gossip site, child star Kyla Pratt just dropped a bombshell on national TV!

The actress ... ... confirmed baby rumours which had apparently been doing the rounds and revealed that she has an almost 1-year-old baby girl after secretly giving birth a year ago.

[source]

So what?! How is this anyone's business anyway?

I see no reason for her to publicly announce the existence of a baby in her life. But alas, that's not what this is about, I'm more interested in blogs going crazy about her having a "secret baby".

Does the fact that she's well in her mid-20's count for nothing?!

If she wants to have a baby, then let her, I don't see how this is anyone's business. Claiming that she has a secret baby is basically saying that she shouldn't have hidden the fact that she was pregnant or even the obvious fact that she's now old enough to bear children. And well within her rights to do so.

Maybe the fact that Vuzu is still airing old episodes of One on One, where Ms Pratt is in her early teens, is what warrants the urge to publish the story on their website.

So I guess everyone and anyone who has ever been on TV owes it to the world to share whatever that is personal to them? I doubt it.

Anyway, I'm off it.

:p

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Behind the music

So, the day before yesterday, I had a good dose of TV. Okay, I'll admit, that sounded waaay better in my head.

What I'm trying to say is, I was spoiled for choice on Monday. Literally. There were at least three good TV shows worth watching. All pretty much around the same time - which sucked. Because I couldn't watch all at the same time.

It's no secret that I prefer documentaries over anything else on TV. If it's a music related documentary; even better!

So on Vuzu, there was a "documentary" on R. Kelly's Love Letter album. Basically it was him explaining the ideas behind the song titles, the album conceptualisation, the track selection, the writing process behind every song on the album. Pretty riveting stuff by all accounts. Good stuff.

While on MTVBase, they had a "day-in-the-life" type of thing on Trey Songz. Where they followed him around for some reason.
Needless to say, I chose to watch the R. Kelly special over the Trey Songz one. Simply because I saw that the Trey Songz one had multiple repeats coming up some time during this week. Today at 16:50, to be specific.

And on National Geographic, they had a behind-the-scenes look at the manufacturing of the latest Porsche. That I didn't watch. Though I really wanted to, just out of curiosity. I'm not much of a Porsche fan. Yeah. So... back to the music.

While switching between the two music specials (in-between ad-breaks obviously) I started thinking about something. About how little we know about our own local music artists. No one really knows the struggles they've gone through. What they're working on now. What actually goes into creating an album, or preparing for a performance, or running from pillar-to-post for interviews or anything along those lines.

Why is that? Who's to blame. Do we blame the artist managers and the artists themselves for not giving their fans a sneak peek behind the music?

I don't think such investments are made into our music industry. The only time you see the artist promote an album is months after it's been created and they're all cleaned up and smiling on TV behind dark shades talking about how their album caters for everyone. And how it's featured so-and-so from where and where. Talking about who they worked with and all that!

Imagine if the artists put out a video, even if it's on YouTube or Vimeo, of themselves actually working with so-and-so and making the music. Imagine the anticipation from the fans. Imagine the hype the video will create around the release of the album. Even if it's a staged "leak" of the footage, pictures, audio, or whatever.

I have R. Kelly's Love Letter album, and I can tell you one thing for sure, after watching those 30 minutes of TV, I felt I had a better understanding of the direction he was aiming for in that album. The "back to the old-school" element behind it. Only afterwards did I understand why there was a Michael Jackson-like song on the album - he wrote the song for MJ before his passing. That explains why I always skip that song.

Anyway. Why is it that all we get from local artists is a two minute interview about an up-coming album?

The two examples mentioned above aren't the only ones I've seen. There's a Nicki Minaj documentary that's always playing on MTV, there's a Drake one as well. Not to mention the famous "The Diary of..." series by MTV.


Why is MTV Base, which claims to be interested in promoting Africa to the world, not investing their resources into our own artists?

Why is it that so few of our local artists have websites or even bother interacting beyond the "I'll be performing at...." updates on Facebook and Twitter? Why not embrace the internet and completely abuse it as a communication tool to the fans?

I stumbled on behind the scenes pics of Kanye and Jay-Z's collaboration album pics the other day. Why aren't South Africans doing this?

Wake up! Give us a peek of what you get up to when there's no make-up artists involved. When there's no limited time to plug your album!

Shout-out to http://www.themakingof.co.za/ for being the local version of True Hollywood Story.

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The video!

In case you missed it, here's the video!




Footage courtesy of BlackBrain Pictures & SowetoTV.

Please don't sue me!!!

Deuces!

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T(hree)-Pain

I'm convinced Mr Autotune has some sort of weird fascination with people's hands being opposite to the ground.

I noticed this after watching DJ Khaled's All I Do Is Win (video) for the umpteenth time on Channel O this morning.

I realised as I was frnatically throwing my hands in the air and singing along, that T-Pain has entertained this idea a couple times before.


He has mentioned the phrase "hand in the air" in all three of his latest music videos. This must be a world record of some sorts!

Case in point... I specifically remember him saying "Throw your hands in the air, home-girl take your motherf***ing shirt off" on his first single Take Your Shirt Off (video link); I then went on to remember his autotuned voice uttering the same words in another song called Reverse Cowgirl (video link), where he candidly says "Throw your hands in the air and go hee-haa, hee-haaaaaaa". Sounds weird when you read it, maybe as you were reading that, the tune played in your head. We can only hope...

Anyway, this is no big deal really, unless he's trying to expose some subculture of people who recklessly throw their hands in the air for no apparent reason. Either way, we loving the music Mr Pain.

I would also like to highlight the fact that I love the DJ Khaled video. And this has nothing to do with the fact that the killa hook & chorus keep my arms fit and in good working condition. I love the two cars in the background: The matte black Chevy Camaro and it's white counterpart.
If for any reason, you feel the need to reward me for this awesome praise of your lyrical abilities, I will gladly accept either one of the two cars. (I've attached pictures for your convenience!)


Thanking you in advance.

The one, the only... Paper!
Deuces!

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A quest for fame! - Who doesn't wanna be famous?

Ever since I can remember, I've alwways wanted to be on TV. ( That sounded like the generic answer to "Why do you wanna be on TV" LOL ) I think much of it has to do with the fact that I have successfully managed to spend a whole lotta time watching the damn thing. I was exposed to a whole lot of mediocrity on TV and always felt that I could do better.

Well, it doesn't seem like this dream is too out of reach now. It seems every other music show on TV is looking for new presenters.

I'm convinced this is my chance. My time to shine!

Ever since the first ad for presenters aired on SABC1's LIVE, I've bee trying and trying to register on their Ning based social network. No idea why the thing always kept giving me errors. But it did. Each and every time. No matter what time of day. And the errors were always the same. Either something's missing, or they're experiencing a high volume of entries.
Look:

Anywho, I've since given up on that avenue. And just this morning, I was getting bored with watching the news when I decided to check out some music videos on Channel O. And the first thing that came up was an ad for new presenters for one of their shows called O-Access.

Currently, the show's hosted by Nonhle Thema. I guess they want somebody to help her out or something. I mean, it can't be easy travelling all over the world interviewing high profile celebrities. I can understand. Not relate. Understand. I'll relate when I'm the one doing it. :)

This brings me to the question: "who is best suited for this job but me?"

And subsequently, that then leads to the answer (in the words of Keith Sweat): "Nobody baby!"

I'ma do this!

See you on the flip side!

Deuces!

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20 Day Challenge - The end

So the 20-Day mission finally came to an end yesterday.

Was crazy hectic. I know I haven't really been updating you guys on the progress. I meant to, I swear I did. I've been so damn occupied, I couldn't even dedicate a few minutes to blogging about the days as they went by.

To say I have made some progress would be an understatement.

At the begining of this whole thing, I set out to achieve some things that I think I had always either been putting off or just hadn't done. In pursuit of achieving those, I ended up having done some other things I didn't even plan to.

Now for the details...

1. Design better stuff
   Though I did start work on some designs, I just never got around to finishing them. But I didn't wanna design things and rushing them off onto the internet, without being 100% happy with them. That's the graphic side done.
   The web side of things has proven to be quiet a journey. I'm in the process of designing two websites. One for at work and the other is a design for my business. You'll see both early next year.


2. Be more organised
   I though I had managed to get this done; until for some reason, I misplaced my ID. I guess that's what you get for messing up the organised chaos I had already gotten used to. At least I found it again. :)
   But apart from the ID issue, everything else is nicely organised. My business stuff is in order now. Especially my clothing company.


3. Quit Coke
   This was crossed out at the beginning, simply because I was a bit unsure about putting it up on the list. Not because I didn't wanna quit Coke, but because I wanted to see if I could actually do it. The first 10 days were a complete failure. I remember at some point I had two 2litre bottles in my fridge. LOL. I guess that was the final binge before going 100% cold-turkey. Which I did. (YAY!) I can proudly announce that I haven't had a drop of Coke in over two weeks. I'm back to the soft drink I lived off of back in my high school days - Sprite.


4. Love more
   Done. LOL. What you want me to say? I love more now. In every way. Over the past 20 days, I've gotten somehow closer to everything that's close to me. *if that makes any sense*


5. Achieve more
   No idea how I planned on measuring this. So I can't really say if it's done or not. Hmm... let's leave it at maybe. :)


6. Exceed expectations
   This I can safely say I have done and will still continue to. In all aspects of my life. I guess that old 'mantra' under-promise and over-achieve was in full effect over the past four weeks. Though I wasn't constantly exceeding expectations, I did give it my all. *must remember to look up 'mantra'*


7. Eat Better
   Eish... Ya, well... I tried. Actually I think I failed dismally. The reason I'm saying this is because over the past 20 days, I ate far worse than I thought I would. My food consumption (LOL) wasn't very constant. So I can't really say I was eating any better.


8. Eat more
   Uhm... Even though I wasn't eating better, I was definately eating more. Might not have been more often. But I was definately having huge helpings. Does that count? It was more like mini-binges really. :)


9. Experiment with food
   Done. I ordered, ate and cooked some things I wouldn't normally eat/order/cook. Nothing too abnormal. Just some things I had always put off. Which is what this whole challenge was about - getting things done.


10. Spend more wisely
    Something wrong with the English in that one... Anyway. I managed to become very money-wise during these past 20 days. If nothing else, this is definately one thing I can take away from this whole experiment - having spare money in my pocket. Such a nice feeling. :)


11. Save more
    Done! Can you see this smile on my face --> :) ?? [if not, then see #10]


12. Design more
    Done. See #1


13. Be more
    Well... This I've always been. Just pushed the envelope a bit further this time around.


14. Learn more
    Haven't really learnt too much. I mean, nothing more than usual. Nothing extraordinary. I've always been keen on learning new things, so there wasn't really much of anything to achieve here.


15. Live better
    To me, that translates into having less stuff to stress about. And to be honest, I can't even think of one instance (except for the ID thing) where I was actually stressing or worrying about anything. So yeah, living has been much better lately.


16. Stress less
    *I swear when I wronte #15, I wasn't aware the next one was stress-related. Nice.*


17. Be more aware
    I think the me before this challenge was a lot more laid back and I didn't really pay much attention to a lot of things, especially when it came to my business stuff and where money's concerned. But since starting this whole thing, I've been paying a lot of attention to the finer details in my life. And it has really really paid off. I'd recommend this to anyone.


18. Live more
    I've definately been living more. I've been more impulsive. Done some minor things without thinking twice (like I normally would) about them. It's been nice.


19. Do more
    This was on the list, not only for me to do more for myself, but mostly for the next person. I think I've achieved that. Fully.


20. Try something new
    I dunno if I've done anything new lately. I think I've done the same things I've always done, maybe only a little differently than how I normally would. That's all. Nothing much has changed.
    *Maybe I should try something old next. LOL!*


21. Give more
    I overpaid my taxi guy a while ago. Does that count? LOL. I think what I've given more of has been my time more than anything. That's paid off nicely too. :)


22. Take less
    I don't even think I've been a taker all this time. I just think I have been more aware of what I take. Thereby minimising that more than normal. I can't think of a particular instance where I took less than the next person, but I'm pretty confindent in that I've achieved it.


23. Open more
    I've done this. I think my colleagues will be the first to attest to the fact that I've opened up more of my private life over the past few weeks than in the 12 months I've been here.
    Over the past 2 weeks (the past two Fridays), I've hosted parties for them at my place. That's gotta count for something right? :)


24. Blog more
    Done. But not as much as I would have liked to.


25. Take more pictures
    I think I over-achieved on this one. I was the designated photographer at the parties at my place, so I think that pretty much covers everything.


26. Love her even more
    I do/did and she knows it! :)


27. Design bigger and better stuff
    As you can see, I'm pretty obsessed with designing. Making it's third appearance on the list now. :)


28. Watch less TV
    I think this was in an effort to spend more time staring at my computer screen. I can't say there was much of a change there. But considering I managed to design some things, I can say I did this. Though I feel I should've/could've done more. It's cool though...

All in all, the challenge brought about some nice changes in my life. Made my a +1 better person. I'm not where I wanna be, but I now know what it takes to get there and that it is possible to get there.

Peace and love!

:P

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Reality sucks

Breaking news!

Apparently the last two finalists on idols are gonna share the winnings (i.e. the car, the recording contact, etc.). [read more about it here]

But that's not what I wanna talk about. I wanna tackle the whole issue surrounding the state of international reality TV shows syndicated in SA.

I think we're a real disgrace when it comes to these kind of things. I think we're too concerned with not being hated that we're losing credibility by the owners of the TV shows we're meant to be promoting on our side. I mean it's now two TV shows that are genetically a "one winner takes it all" affair, and yet we've managed once again to fuck the system up.

When The Apprentice - my most favourite reality show - was gonna have a local version. I was flipping excited. I was anxious to see what the locally successful people would bring to the table in terms of quality entertainment. Needless to say, I wasn't disappointed by the very first boardroom meeting where Mr Tokyo Sexwale (former politicial cum businessman) had to fire someone... and instead of the generic "you're fired!!!" made famous by The Donald he goes and rapes it with... wait for it... "you're dismissed". Notice how there's no exclamation point? That's because he says it so apologetically, the person beind "dismissed" isn't sure if they're off the show or they have to go stand outside.

Then at the end of the season, where Mr Sexwale has to appoint someone who's gonna join his Mvelaphanda empire (crappy name, I know) he doesn't choose someONE as etched into our TV watching brains. He goes and decides to rearrange the whole thing and hires two apprentices instead (the two seated ladies).

Why you ask?

Because he didn't want the other woman (yes, they're both women) to throw her stiletto at him or something. Basically he decides to rewrite the script for some unknown reason.

Now there's Idols, where they messed up and then make up for it by having two winners. Why?? Why should there be two winners when the guy beat the girl by over 200 000 votes. Makes no sense! How is that validate there being two winners basing it on a tie. I don't know what school the auditors went to, but I'm pretty sure 1.1 million votes is less than 1.3 million. I'm just saying.

Moral of the story... What's the point of even voting when they're gonna give the final two the title?

This is some bullshit.

I wont be surprised if, like The Apprentice, we never get Idols again.

I never watched the damn thing, but my reputation as a South African is at stake here. We should stop being so damn diplomatic about things. If you're a loser, then you're a loser. Tough. You'll get over it.

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Fitness makes you lazy

Ok, been meaning to write this since last weekend already.

I was watching TV the other day (a Saturday). And they while waiting for something better to come on, I was unexpectedly bombarded by 2 to 3 of those: "Burn calories while doing nothing" ads.

It dawned on me that these people are targeting the very same people that need the exercise. The ones that are too lazy to take the stairs instead of the lift. You know, the ones who just refuse to walk for more than 5 minutes to the store around the corner simply because they'd much rather call Mr Delivery?

You hear the super-excited voice-over guy tell you how you'll burn more calories (or whatever they're called) than you would in a gym, on the tredmill or even running a few laps.

And that's their selling point.

The fact that you just have to sit there and something strapped around your waist will do all the work for you. You just sit and grin at the TV. The rest is totally up to this "new & improved" gadget. And there's always some skinny blonde who "totally loves" this new ab-gimmick. And "it totally works" for some reason.

Then there's that other one that you stand on and vibrates you whole body. Miraculously... also better than walking, the gym, tredmill and running combined. Coz God-fobid you wouldn't wanna damage your knees and ankles using them for exactly what they were created for! Rather step onto some vibrating gadget and it'll shake the fat right off of your lazy ass.

You don't even have to break a sweat apparently. That's just how effective it is. It works so well, you don't have to sweat. Sweating is for losers!

Another brilliant selling point is the fact that you never have time to exercise. So this amazing new gadget is just what you need. It doesn't take up much of your time, all you need is 10 minutes and you're done, you'll be feeling as good as new.

I say bullshit!

Obviously you won't be climbing on that damn thing in your work clothes right? This means you'll have to change into your gym clothes, go into the next room (garage or whatever) and vibrate yourself into fitness paradise. Then 10-15 minutes later you're don. Sounds easy enough right? I doubt it.

All this techniology's taking up so many of what we're meant to do naturally (except vibrate your whole body) and making them sound so convenient and healthy that fat bastards all over the world are falling over themselves (excuse the pun) to get their hands on the latest lazyman's toy.

Fuck that shit.

Just get off your ass and do something that actually involves the dreaded natural movements of actually lifting something, walking or running around like somebody's chasing you; even if it's on a tredmill, atleast you're doing something.

I feel sorry for the white people, coz they're the target market for all this junk that's being advertised about staying young and skinny.

Pity black people are also following the I'm-too-lazy-to-exercise trend.

*sigh*

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"I hate people"

That's what Donald Trump said on last night's episode of The Apprentice.

He said: "I have a problem with people. I hate people. Someone can say something to me and I can hate them. I take things very personal."

Those might not have been his exact words, but you get what I'm saying. The reason I couldn't hear anything is because that woman with the high-pitched voice kept yapping (pictured below), I filtered her noises out. I only heard when Trump said that. I don't know what triggered it though.

I realised that I'm more or less like that. Not to compare myself to The Donald or anything, but in all honesty, I have the same problem.

I snap at people. I slip into defensive-mode very easily. I hate it when people decide that whatever I say or do is wrong, simply because they think it's wrong for me to say whatever it is I may have said.

I hate that.

Don't get me wrong, I welcome all disagreements to whatever it is I say or do; just don't come and tell me that I shouldn't have done or said that. I don't live my life to please you. Or anybody else for that matter.

I don't see why I (or anybody else) have to conform to what society considers normal or appropriate or whatever the fuck.

I don't care about conformity or normalcy. Especially if it's according to your standards. In that case I care even less. It's that simple.

I'll give you an example... a very fresh example at that:

I wrote on a "celebrity's" wall on Facebook that I shared a star sign with that particular "celebrity", and left it at that. I wasn't expecting a greeting card/SMS/email/special-unmarked-box/reply/anything from her, I just wrote there because I felt like it.

Then a few hours later, I get a message from a friend of mine (also on Facebook) saying that I shouldn't embarrass myself by writing on that celebrity's wall, because they have 3500 "friends".

Sothefuckwhat?

I mean what the fuck!? What does it have to do with you on whose I choose to write? Does either of us lose credibility as friends. What do I get for not writing on there? Do I stay on your list of "Cool friends" longer?

Don't bother answering!

I don't care!

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Strippers can't/don't walk

Let's face it, walking is pretty simple. All you have to do is just put one foot in front of the other, and move towards a direction (usually foward). Very easy. As a child you spent a long time trying to master this fine art of walking. You fell on your behind a few times, but that didn't stop you. You got up and tried and tried and tried again. Up to the point where you don't even have to think about it anymore. Great! Good for you. Congratulations!

I don't know a lotta strippers. In fact, I don't know any strippers at all. Not one. But after watching an episode of 30 Rock last night, I realised something. I've never actually seen a stripper walk. Not once. (Except in movies when they chase after the good guy who happens to see the good in them, and wants to take them out, treat them like real women. You know the drill.)

Anyway, so I'm watching this great new sitcom that's only been introduced to our TV screens on Monday. And in this particular episode (I think it's the first, I dunno) the main actress is out at a strib club with Tracy Morgan, in what was initially just a simple lunch meeting.
So they end up at this strip club, and I noticed how none of the strippers actually walk anywhere. They don't walk. They sorta dance their way wherever they wanna go.

It's like they're stripping while 'walking' towards stripping.

Especially the lapdancers, everything is a dance. Picking money up from the floor, walking away after being rejected by potential 'clients', everything.

In fact, I don't think I remember seeing Demi Moore walk anywhere throughout Striptease. I can't even remember how she ended up on that boat, dancing for that guy. I really don't remember. But I remember her dance moves though. I guess that's the whole point for the movie. Maybe they didn't even show her walk. I don't know.

Either they're dancing everywhere or they're crawling. Never just walking. Maybe it's all part of the performace anticipation thing.

"Keep the stripee interested at all times"

If there are any strippers out there, maybe you could clarify this for me.

Or maybe I should dedicate a night out and go to a stripclub; all in the name of research. It's for a good cause. I'll come back and blog about it too.

Everybody wins.

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Hobbilessness

It's no joke.

It's actually pretty sad how so many black people go around their day-to-day lives without hobbies.

I was watching Miss SA on Monday, and noticed how all the black people (all but one) didn't really have any hobbies as they were shown strutting their stuff catwalk style. One of them actually listed 'singing in a choir' as her hobby. What kinda hobby is that? Singing in a choir? Might as well list singing in the shower as part of her un-ending list of things to do on a lazy weekend afternoon.

Why is it that all black people can call a hobby (men especially) is kicking a ball around, while our white counterparts have such an array of things from which to choose?

White people have a whole world of opportunities in terms of sporting and recreational activities.

I was watching skateboarding on Supersport yesterday and not even one of all those white people who kept flying high up in the air were of African descent. Why is that? And this seems to be an international situation. Have you ever heard of black people going on holiday anywhere else except the beach? I mean, nevermind the fact that 98% of black people can't swim to save their lives, or even be good enough in water to at least enjoy the waves, the salty water and sand they all flock to during summer.

I'm not too sure who's to blame for all this chaos. We can't keep blaming our past for the limited oportunities we were presented all the time. Who's to blame for your not being able to swim or play any other sport except one where you have to kick a ball.
It's most probably because black people indeed are historically disadvantaged. All these other sports/hobbies need some sort of equipment/device in order to be played properly. For soccer, all you really need is two legs (or two arms - for the ladies), and anything round. It could even be a whole lot of old plastic bags balled up together to make a ball and you're sorted.

Reasonable explanation.

This is not only about the men in our societies. Black women too are at a huge disadvantage. All they can list as their hobby is netball. Nothing else. (Well except the 'watching TV, listening to the radio, reading magazines' they mention at every chance.) Speaking of which... what kind of hobbies are those anyways? Watching TV, listening to the radio and reading magazines don't really count as hobbies in my book. Those are normal stuff that everyone who has those facilities available to them can do at any given time.
Seriously.

People (normal people, not you hobbyists) watch TV at least twice a day and for varying amounts of time.
You watch TV in the morning (the news or whatever) then again after work. Now ask yourself: is that a hobby?

Some people even go as far as listening to radio instead of watching TV (while driving or walking around of whatever). Does that make listening to radio a hobby?

While others prefer to read magazines. And I mean magazines, like Financial Mail or CEO os someting along those lines. Curling up on your bed reading Cosmo doesn't necessarily count as a hobby. Or does it?

If this continues, I think the black races is destined for extinction. All our 'hobbies' revolve around doing nothing. Being uninvolved seems to be our biggest and best hobby. Of course except chasing a ball all over the place.

But what happens when you're too old to play soccer? Or netball? And by old I mean your mid 30's. Coz for black people, that's when everything just stops. All of a sudden you're "too old" to be playing anything that might result in you sweating. It is at this point in your life where you start getting involved in those 3 hobbies listed above. It's really depressing.

Another thing black people consider a hobby is... you guessed it. Sex. Black people love sex. Even if they're not having it. Just the thought of the act itself seems to excite them. You wonder why we have such a large number of cousins, half-sisters/brothers and most of whom we don't even know about. That's why when black people meet they have to aks your full names. Surname and all. In case you're their family twice removed or something.

I refuse to have my kids grow up being exposed to only stereotypical black sports/hobbies. I didn't grow up like that, I wont expext them to be.

And plus, I need some proper hobbies myself. Reading a magazine while listeing to radio on TV just isn't gonna cut it.


:Paper!

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Scrutinize my ass!

So there’s this ad on TV. It’s some ad about protecting oneself (yes, I said ‘oneself’) from HIV and all that comes with it. Tag-line: "Scrutinize, turn HIV into HI-Victory". Crappy animation but great message.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about an HIV-free generation, but this one really got me thinking. It seems the basic idea around this one is basically about looking out for your male friend in case they’re drunk enough to have sex with the loose-est girl in the club. You know the one who dances the most, drinks almost anything she can get her hands on, grins at almost every other guy who walks past her. Yes you know her.

Let’s be honest here. This is a very important message to all the guys out there who know a guy who does the whole targeting the drunkest girl in the area thing. This advert is talking to you. That’s right. You my friend. You.

As the voice-over lady clearly point out, “if your friend is too drunk to put it on, don’t put him in the game” or something along those lines. Which basically means, if you see that your friend is drunk too drunk to put a condom on. You should stop him. Somehow. Maybe advice him not to go after that girl. But whichever one you choose, just make sure his blood-alcohol level is low enough to allow him to put a condom on properly. I have no idea how any one is ever gonna verify your friend’s condom-wearing abilities under the influence, but this is a task that has been put firmly on your shoulders. You are the person who has to check that your friend can do the deed to do the deed. You know what I mean? So, let’s look at our options here... shall we...?

1. You could always do some stupid pop-quiz thing. You know, like, the basics of putting a condom on. Ask him that and see what he says. Maybe the traffic cops could also adopt this to find out if a person is too drunk to be with the female companion by his side. Anyways...
   

I guess that’s pretty much all you got. Otherwise there’s no other way of knowing if the dude is sober enough to even think about a condom. Still, even 100% teetotallers ignore using a condom sometimes, if not all the time. Even if the guy knows all the basics around condoms there’s still no way of guaranteeing that he’s gonna use it when he gets caught up in the moment of passion.

At the end of the day, using a condom is not really about being too drunk or sober enough to protect yourself. Using a condom each time you have sex is pretty much like everything else in the world. It’s all about choice. You can’t choose for the next person, all you can do is telling that person about the dangers of not using protection; the rest is really up to them. Nobody else. It’s between the two (or more) of them. You can’t make anyone do anything.

With the festive season upon us, obviously drinks will be had so please make sure your friends can put condoms on. If they’re too drunk, then lend them a hand. No, I’m joking. Don’t do that. That’s just off-putting.

Scrutinize, scrutinize. At least check if he’s got one on him. The rest is really out of your hands.

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Women are a very constipated species

It's true.

Check, around 86,5% of all constipation relief ads have women in lead roles, talking how dull their lives used to be before they discovered //insert constipation remedy here//.

They go on and on about how crappy they were feeling (excuse the pun), how they couldn't enjoy themselves, couldn't do anything energy consuming, but since a friend (ironically also a woman) recommended Dulcolex/All Bran Flakes/whatever-you-trust (LOL), they are now able to get on with their lives. Like jump around in the park or walk the dog. Coz quite simply put, you never know when nature might call while you're walking the dog or having a picnic in an isolated park far from restrooms.

So it's best to sort out your digestion issues before having fun. That's my advice. Use it. I insist.

I have no idea why. But come to think of it, most of the girls I know have had some sort of constipatory situation to deal with.

I've had a friend of mine actually go to see a doctor in search of some much needed help. I swear. She had to get prescription meds to get things back to normal. Imagine.

Why some women don't have regular, self-cleaning systems like the rest of us, I'll never know.

The Nnumber 2 seems to be a very illusive concept to these constipated women.

Same applies to number 1. You have no idea how many girls/women I know who (at any given point in their lives) have had a bladder infection of some sort. Either that or a yeast infection. It's sad really.

I know this isn't something to joke about. And some people out there (it may be you or somebody you might know) are seriously suffering from the consequences of eating the wrong foods (i.e. foods without any fibre) or just plain laziness to go to the loo.

Though the latter is arguably not an illness of any kind. It's just plain stupidity. In fact, I know of two people; The first one hates going to pee (political correctness is imperative) because it involves the tideous task of taking her pants off, pulling down the undergarment, then sitting on a cold seat then pulling her pants a few (short) minutes later. This is for a number one btw. (As if a quickie is any different) Some people.

Then the other one... goes for a number 2 only after 2-3 days. Simply because she's lazy. And these are her words, and I quote: "I'm just lazy to [read: poop]." close quote. Then the toilet is left smelling like a sewage pipe burst, and she jokes about it. WTF is that about. Some people...

See.

It's laziness.

Next thing they get all infected and miserable and expect sympathy from us (men).

Come on. Do the right thing. Go to the loo every once in a while. It's for your own good.

You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear a woman proudly say:
"I'm human too, I go to the toilet just like you"

Look on the bright side... at least she goes. :P

I sure hope so...

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I like, where you sleep

This song brings a stupid grin to my face everytime I hear it. It's playng as I type this on teh radio. People in the office are wondering why I'm grinning like a stupid fool.

It's so damn sweet. The video also kicks serious ass.



Hellogoodbye - "Here (In Your Arms)"

When you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've
missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you
suddenly.
That there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.

I like,
Where you sleep,
When you sleep,
Next to me.
I like,
Where you sleep;
Here.

Cause our lips,
Can touch,
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Our lips,
Can touch;
Here

They were featured on The Real Life - Austin (killa show by the way). When they had to hook something up for SXSW.

Speaking of which, there's just something about reality TV shows. I thinks it's the fascination with peeking into strangers' lives and getting to know how people live their daily lives that appeals to me. I've been a fan of Survivor, The Amazing Race, The X Effect, The Apprentice, and that other one where a bunch of guys fight the natives, [...I forget what it's called now] you name it, I've watched it. Probably. Be reasonable in your naming.

I'm loving Miami Ink at the moment. Considering my undying fascination with tattoos. It really fils that tatt gap. :P

I even got my aunt hooked onto Big Brother Africa (the first one), and now everyime they make a new one, she let's me know. How cool is that. I got my eldest cousin hooked on Flava of Love. He also couldn't get enough of it. At the end of every episode, he would ask when the next episode was. Good stuff. I'm a bad influence. LOL!

I love it (reality TV and the song... bonus if they have the song in a reality TV show... i.e. The Real Life!!).

I can die a happy man.

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The tour [part 1] - Number Four

Ok, as promised...

I went and did it.

There're six main sections to the Constitution Hill.
Namely:

• Constitution Square,
• Old Fort,
• Women's Jail,
• Constitutional Court,
• Great African Steps, and
• Number Four.

So I went and explored Number Four today.

Number four was basically a prison where political prisoners and other "criminals" (I put that in inverted commas because most of them were arrested for refusing to carry their passbooks and marching - like Mahatma Ghandi for instance.)

Prisoners where treated in extremely inhumane ways, where they were severely punished and beaten for meaningless things (at times a 1 prisoner would be beaten by all the wardens in the prison). They were subjected to strip searches. The Black prisoners were strip searched by Black warders. They were made to do degrading things like open their rectums so the warders could see if they had smuggled anything in. Notoriously known as the Tauza dance.

While there were some white prisoners as well. They were treated like royalty. They never ate the same food more than 2 days in a row (unlike Black prisoners), they had a menu from which to choose what they wanted to eat; they were given pillows, pillow cases, bedspreads, a slim mattress, 3 blankets, etc. Basically anything they needed to make their stay as comfortable as possible. Whereas the black people were only given 3 blankets. That's it. 3 blankets.

Anyway...

As I continue on my pursuit of education; I've seen how the old system was treating our black brethren. And it sickens me that today's prisoners demand they have DSTv installed in their cells. WHAT THE FUCK FOR? I don't even have DSTv! I work 40hrs a week, and I still don't have it. It's bad enough that I have money deducted from my salary every month to pay for your daily meals, now you wanna take that money and pay up your DSTv subscription? WHY?
Even the fact that they have TVs to begin with pisses me the fuck off. They're there to be punished for the wrongs they have inflicted upon society.
The Black prisoners at Number Four had done nothing wrong. Most of what they did was deemed illegal because of the fucked up apartheid system. Sucks that the youth of today wanna use prison as some sort of recreational center instead of what it was meant to be... an institution put in place to rehabilitate them. And yet most up-and-coming criminals aspire to be sent to prison because they'll at least get to watch TV and get some drugs while they're at it.

Shit is fucked up!

article: DSTV in jail

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The happiest motherfucker I know!

Now, I don't actually know a lot of motherfuckers, but I am, by far, the happiest motherfucker out there.

Isn't it funny how you only notice what you've got when you're happy. I mean you hardly take notice of all the blessings around you until something goes wrong. Only then do you start consoling yourself by counting your blessings. And even then it still doesn't feel like it's enough.

So simply because I'm not feeling crappy today, as clearly indicated in the title of this post, I decided I'd much rather celebrate the little things that I've been blessed with thus far.

There's absolutely no reason for me to feel down because I've got a girl who's in love with me. I know this because I can tell by the way she looks at me, the way she can't stop smiling whenever we're together. Besides, the fact that she tells me how she feels is also a dead giveaway.
I can't remember the last time I was so flippin happy with someone.
You know what I mean... where you're with this one person and you feel you don't really need anything else. Where you're both chilling on the couch with TV on, and yet you're not even watching it. Where the person next to you is more interesting than whatever's playing??
I love you babe...

Earlier today, I just found out my site (brainstormdesigns.co.za) has been listed on website-gallery.com, as one of those deserving of some recognition. I really appreciate that. I feel it definately says something about my designs. That clearly means I must be doing something right this time around. Though my other designs didn't get recognition, but I truly don't give a damn, as long as my site is on there. It's gotta mean something.

Plus, I just bagged my first real client for 2008. It's some guy who wants me to design him a website for his company, a shuttle/transport type thing. Added to that, the website is going to be advertised under South African tourism. So that obviously means I've definately gotta put my best into this one. It's gotta be something unique, but familiar all at the same time.

I'm gonna make sure it not only markets his company as a brand, but more importantly, stands out from the rest. Seeing as everyone wants a website...

An last but most definately not least, I installed some cool themes and applications on my phone. I know it's not such a big deal, but to me it is. Coz I was starting to lose interest in it. I was tired with all the features it had. That's why I added more. Hopefully the guys from Nokia aren't reading this and I hope it doesn't void my warranty.

So yeah, that's it for now.

One happy Motherfucker, signing out!

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Celebrate good times, come on!!!

So there I was, on a chilled Wednesday evening, contemplating on what food to prepare, when I noticed something on TV that totally had me amazed.

Might not be so "amazing" to you but, while I was watching the Barclays Premiership highlights on SABC3 last night,(I never watch soccer, but there's never anything exciting to watch on Wednesdays) I noticed something... Almost all of the Black (of African descent) soccer players in the Premier League celebrate in a way only true African men can.

By doing a somersault!

I mean, the other White soccer players, do the usual... running-to-the-corner-with-your-arms-spread-like-a-plane thing.

Which is usually coupled by the occasional sliding in the mud... finished off with the lying-down-waiting-for-the-rest-of-the-gang-to-climb-on-top-of-you move.


Not my Black brothers...nooooooooo.....

The wanna do something no White man can do... (at least when it comes to soccer)... they wanna do the whole she-bang, first they head to the corner-kick spot (I don't actually know what it's called), which is normal, nothing new there... but then just when you least expect it... they jump up in the air, spin around and somehow manage to land on their feet.

Now, I don't know if you've ever seen one of those scenes where gymnasts land on their asses or break something after attempting to do a somersault... but somehow these soccer stars, never miss a landing.

It's really awe inspiring. It came to a point where I wasn't really concentrating on the teams playing anymore, it was all about hoping the Black guy scores so he can do the trademark celebratory move...

THE SOMERSAULT!

So I decided.

I'm gonna make this a resolution. I don't know for what year, but I'm definately gonna learn how it's done. I just need to find a soft landing spot for me to practice on, so that I don't break my neck or something.

Can you imagine becoming paralysed after a failed attempt at celebrating??

How weird would that be.

Picture this...

After finding out that I'm gonna be a father, I decide to do a quick victory dance, which coincidentally also includes my newly acquired spin in the air!!! YEAH!!!

Forgetting I've got a tiled floor, I do the spin right in the middle of the house, and land on my neck.

Boom!!

Instant paralysis... That's it. NO second chances, NO undo button, no Ctlr-Z. Nothing. I'm confined to a wheelchair and that's that.

How do I explain to my baby girl how I ended up in a wheelchair, and can't guarantee she'll ever have little brothers and sisters? Do I tell her the truth and run the risk of becoming the family freakazoid cum idiot, who has now become a burden... needing to be carried and pushed around everywhere?? Or do I make up some story about how I was caught in a crossfire between two gangs fighting over which one wanted to hijack me, and managed to walk away with a bullet in my back, and become the local hero who got involved in a life changing experience nobody even knows about??

Sad really.

So to avoid all that, I'm gonna at least try jumping around on a trampoline first. Then when I have the right altitude, and the pictures of my baby girl asking me how I ended up in a wheelchair start fading away, I'm gonna give it a shot.

So that at least I have a relatively soft landing.

Till then...

This is all I'll be doing...


YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Got the pics from here, please don't sue me! :'(

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Vanish, my ass!!!

What the hell!!!



I don't know how many people fall for this whole "miracle cleaning detergent/soap/liquid" crap. But I'm definately not one of them...


First they tell you it cleans iodine fresh out of white shirts... ok, my first question is... what the hell would you be doing with iodine (or whatever other chemical for that matter) on white shirts? Plus; I think whatever cleaning agents/chemicals they put in their product has some sort of reaction with the ioding and therefore looks like it completely cleans it whereas it's only reacting with the agents in the cleaning thingy.

And then there's this other Bang one... (I won't mention names in case I get my ass sued :P) Anywayz... I think that one is a clear lie. Who the hell (apart from coin collectors) would want to put a 5c coin in that stuff to see if it works...?

Then there's the whole "steam cleaning" revolution...

For those of you who don't know, there's this hand-held steaming thingy that apparently is supposed to blow hot steam onto "hard-to-clean" surfaces. I think it's total crap. I think it just blows the steam from one place to another. It basically changes the grime from solid to a messier liquid form that just requires you to clean the mess you just made (in the effort to have a cleaner surface) your damn self.

Eish...

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Same faces different places!

Been a while since my last post but anywayz, here goes...

Now, I'm not the only one who thinks this but it just irritates the crap out of me that almost on every other channel (SABC1,2,3 & e) you always see the same actors playing different roles.

The first question I always ask myself is "WHY?". A simple 'why'. Why can't we get to see fresh talent on the silver screen for a change. Just somebody who's tryin to crack it into the industry, instead of people you've been watching since 1999. I mean why do people still go study Drama if all we ever get to see is the same people everywhere. In ads, sitcoms, presenting and even voice-overs... everywhere.

All I'm asking for is some new faces to do the same things these 'veterans' are doing. I'm not saying they should quit acting, but they should rather give the noobs a chance.

It's okay to see people you know playing some serious roles in soapies like Generations and stuff, but when you see someone who's been acting longer than you care to remember in a lousy role like on that new teen soapie on eTV it just gets kinda depressing. In my eyes they sorta lose credibility, that can't be good...

Anywayz, just my two cents!

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