Cool money

Apparently, there's a guy in Joburg, who while working at a construction site, stumbled upon a cooler box. And being the black guy he is. And also taking into account the fact that there are always bombs being tucked away 6 metres underground in cooler boxes, he didn't wanna take any chances.

He very immediately alerted his nearest police station. Upon arrival the cops, (note: THE COPS, not the bomb squad) opened the cooler box, only to find... 1.5 million rand. In R50 and R20 notes.

Imagine how dumb this idiot must feel. I'd fucking kill myself. I'd stab myself with a sharp object on the spot.

I mean, what are the chances that there's a massive bomb terrorist going around burrying bombs 6 metres into the earth in case some construction worker can accidentally detonate the thing and blow him to threads? Who would go through the trouble of making a bomb, only to plant it in some obscure location in hopes that it'll blow some random stranger(s) up?

That's dumb.

So what's in it for this dude? Let's see...

First off, he's already gotten enough mention (even if they're keeping him anonymous because of the utter embarrassment he'd face) all over the radio stations, news papers and online. But let's look at what happened first.

He found the money, called the cops to come open a cooler box for him, then what did he get immediately after that? That's right, a thank you. And probably a pat on the back to sweeten the deal. I mean, it's not like the cops were looking for a blue and white cooler box with undisclosed contents in exchange for a big reward?? It's not like he helped the community in any way by removing the potentially catastrophic coller box bomb off the streets and thereby making his working environment a safer place for all?! Great man!!

Imagine his popularity at home now? I'm sure the wife's pissed as hell everytime she sees him.

Like "You fucking idiot, hnow we gonna have tea without milk!"; "Great, now the bread is finished! Useless idiot!"; "Wonderful, we're having chicken again today!"

He could've done anything in the world. He chose to be the good guy who does the right thing.

I'd fucking kill myself, I swear. I'd actively go out looking for a goddamn bomb and blow myself up. I'd even make one, if push came to shove.

Seriously, he's gonna feel like crap everytime he doesn't have money for anything.

He's a fucking construction worker! He finds a cooler box. Why didn't he at least think that it might contain some beer or food or something else other than a stupid bomb. I don't understand. Even if it were, what are the chances that HE's the lucky bastard to find a bomb burried in the ground?

I doubt the Mayor of the town will actually give him some money as a token of appreciation. He'll probaby get a key to the city and that's about it. What do you need a key for? It's not like there's a place where only people with keys hang out and laugh at all the other idiots without keys; and now you have full access to that area?! I seriously doubt that. Even if he/she does give him smoney, it sure as hell wont be R1.5m.

Imagine what he could've done with all that money?

He could've very nicely told his stuck up boss to go to the nearest hell. Fed his family for yeeeears. Upgraded his life as whole basically.

I doubt he would've gone to school to learn something to make that R1.5m grow. He probably would be dead in two weeks. You know how black people always wanna show off? After buying a round of drinks for everyone at the local drinking hole. He would have proudly made an announcement that he;s now a millionnaire and no-one can touch him. Only to turn up two weeks later with 148 stab wounds. Talk about being untouchable.

I guess it's a good thing he did.

Good for you guy, you're a good South African citizen. That's the spirit. Trust the cops to open a cooler box for you simply because they're wearing a uniform. That doesn't make them less immune to getting blown up. And you were probably not too far from the box when it was opened, so you were gonna get fucked up anyway.

Shit.

Now he's stuck doing construction for years to come. He wont quit his job, every site he goes to, he'll be opening up shit. In hopes it'll have even a ten rand note in there.

Not gonna happen. Ever.

You stayed up all night praying to God to help you with your financial status, and when He does, you hand it over to the cops? He's not making that mistake again. Trust me.

//article

*edit: that's not him in the pics.

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Next round of double standards is on me

So there I was, chilin on Facebook, when I came across an open request for a bootlegged copy of Microsoft Office.


Didn't really think much of it, but when I checked who had made this unapologetic request, I was a bit suprised with a dash of disapointment.


It was none other than... our very own... successful local poet Ms Ntsiki Mazwai. That's right, the very same younger sister to Thandiswa Mazwai and Nomsa Mazwai's older sister.


I'm not too sure what to think of this particular setup, whether to think less of her becuase she's crossed over to the piracy side of the anti-piracy bandwaggon that almost all South African artists have come to preach so much; of to basically appreciate the fact that she's afterall a regular South African who wont pay R7000+ for the software??

I dunno.

I guess I appreciate the fact that as an artist with 5000 friends on FB, the bravery in that alone is amazing. Imagine if somebody from the Business Software Alliance was one of her 'friends' and raised the flag. That would have turned out to be one of those 'we want to make an example of her' situations where a miinor issue is used as an example at all the anti-piracy campaigns by the BSA.

Well, I hope it doesn't get any further than this.

If you're that guy ripping, burning and selling local music CDs like there's no tomorrow... have faith, there's hope out there for you, even the stars themselves are doing it. Don't stop till you get enough.

No, wait, I'm not endorsing piracy or anything here, I'm just saying... since it's considered okay (by Ms Mazwai herself) to illegally copy and distribute international software, I guess it should also be okay to open your own manufacturing and distribution center in your own backyard.

At least that's what I'm getting from all this...





*sigh*


I don't know about you, but I expected something different...


// more here...

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Fitness makes you lazy

Ok, been meaning to write this since last weekend already.

I was watching TV the other day (a Saturday). And they while waiting for something better to come on, I was unexpectedly bombarded by 2 to 3 of those: "Burn calories while doing nothing" ads.

It dawned on me that these people are targeting the very same people that need the exercise. The ones that are too lazy to take the stairs instead of the lift. You know, the ones who just refuse to walk for more than 5 minutes to the store around the corner simply because they'd much rather call Mr Delivery?

You hear the super-excited voice-over guy tell you how you'll burn more calories (or whatever they're called) than you would in a gym, on the tredmill or even running a few laps.

And that's their selling point.

The fact that you just have to sit there and something strapped around your waist will do all the work for you. You just sit and grin at the TV. The rest is totally up to this "new & improved" gadget. And there's always some skinny blonde who "totally loves" this new ab-gimmick. And "it totally works" for some reason.

Then there's that other one that you stand on and vibrates you whole body. Miraculously... also better than walking, the gym, tredmill and running combined. Coz God-fobid you wouldn't wanna damage your knees and ankles using them for exactly what they were created for! Rather step onto some vibrating gadget and it'll shake the fat right off of your lazy ass.

You don't even have to break a sweat apparently. That's just how effective it is. It works so well, you don't have to sweat. Sweating is for losers!

Another brilliant selling point is the fact that you never have time to exercise. So this amazing new gadget is just what you need. It doesn't take up much of your time, all you need is 10 minutes and you're done, you'll be feeling as good as new.

I say bullshit!

Obviously you won't be climbing on that damn thing in your work clothes right? This means you'll have to change into your gym clothes, go into the next room (garage or whatever) and vibrate yourself into fitness paradise. Then 10-15 minutes later you're don. Sounds easy enough right? I doubt it.

All this techniology's taking up so many of what we're meant to do naturally (except vibrate your whole body) and making them sound so convenient and healthy that fat bastards all over the world are falling over themselves (excuse the pun) to get their hands on the latest lazyman's toy.

Fuck that shit.

Just get off your ass and do something that actually involves the dreaded natural movements of actually lifting something, walking or running around like somebody's chasing you; even if it's on a tredmill, atleast you're doing something.

I feel sorry for the white people, coz they're the target market for all this junk that's being advertised about staying young and skinny.

Pity black people are also following the I'm-too-lazy-to-exercise trend.

*sigh*

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