So there I was, on a chilled Wednesday evening, contemplating on what food to prepare, when I noticed something on TV that totally had me amazed.
Might not be so "amazing" to you but, while I was watching the Barclays Premiership highlights on SABC3 last night,(I never watch soccer, but there's never anything exciting to watch on Wednesdays) I noticed something... Almost all of the Black (of African descent) soccer players in the Premier League celebrate in a way only true African men can.
By doing a somersault!
I mean, the other White soccer players, do the usual... running-to-the-corner-with-your-arms-spread-like-a-plane thing.
Which is usually coupled by the occasional sliding in the mud... finished off with the lying-down-waiting-for-the-rest-of-the-gang-to-climb-on-top-of-you move.
Not my Black brothers...nooooooooo.....
The wanna do something no White man can do... (at least when it comes to soccer)... they wanna do the whole she-bang, first they head to the corner-kick spot (I don't actually know what it's called), which is normal, nothing new there... but then just when you least expect it... they jump up in the air, spin around and somehow manage to land on their feet.
Now, I don't know if you've ever seen one of those scenes where gymnasts land on their asses or break something after attempting to do a somersault... but somehow these soccer stars, never miss a landing.
It's really awe inspiring. It came to a point where I wasn't really concentrating on the teams playing anymore, it was all about hoping the Black guy scores so he can do the trademark celebratory move...
THE SOMERSAULT!So I decided.
I'm gonna make this a resolution. I don't know for what year, but I'm definately gonna learn how it's done. I just need to find a soft landing spot for me to practice on, so that I don't break my neck or something.
Can you imagine becoming paralysed after a failed attempt at celebrating??
How weird would that be.
Picture this...
After finding out that I'm gonna be a father, I decide to do a quick victory dance, which coincidentally also includes my newly acquired spin in the air!!! YEAH!!!
Forgetting I've got a tiled floor, I do the spin right in the middle of the house, and land on my neck.
Boom!!
Instant paralysis... That's it. NO second chances, NO undo button, no Ctlr-Z. Nothing. I'm confined to a wheelchair and that's that.
How do I explain to my baby girl how I ended up in a wheelchair, and can't guarantee she'll ever have little brothers and sisters? Do I tell her the truth and run the risk of becoming the family freakazoid cum idiot, who has now become a burden... needing to be carried and pushed around everywhere?? Or do I make up some story about how I was caught in a crossfire between two gangs fighting over which one wanted to hijack me, and managed to walk away with a bullet in my back, and become the local hero who got involved in a life changing experience nobody even knows about??
Sad really.
So to avoid all that, I'm gonna at least try jumping around on a trampoline first. Then when I have the right altitude, and the pictures of my baby girl asking me how I ended up in a wheelchair start fading away, I'm gonna give it a shot.
So that at least I have a relatively soft landing.
Till then...
This is all I'll be doing...
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!Got the pics from
here, please don't sue me! :'(
Don't be misled by the innocent smile ladies.
