Paah aah!

Yeah, you read right. I said 'paah aah!' Come on you can do it too... 'paah aah'.

I know you're sitting there (I hope you're sitting) wondering what the hell 'paah aah' is.

Well, let me break it down to you.

Paah aah: pronounced - phaah-aah!

In my quest to better understand the unique yet unbelievably simillar race that is Black. Especially the South African version of this complex nation.

Only in South Africa (I say this because I've only lived here) will you find a black person who intentionally chooses to pronounce things differently. Simply because "that's how it's pronounced" - according to them at least.

In case you're still scratching your head and still reading this in hopes to really figure out what the hell paah aah is, then let me give you some hints...

It rhymes with 'power hour' actually, it doesn't rhyme with 'power hour' as much as it is power hour. That's right. Paah aah is the Black South African version of the phrase "power hour".

I know you're wondering why it's spelt that way, well, like I mentioned earlier, that's how your "educated" back person pronounces it. Everybody else is just doing it wrong. They know better. They know how these things were supposed to be pronounced in the first place. And they are here to save us from ourselves.

Power hour is not the only phrase that's pronounced this way. Almost anything that has anything to do with anything can sound like something you've never ever heard before. Even if the black person is repeating what you just said.

You: "Did I just say anything?"

Me: "Yes. Anything."

• 'Italy' can very easily be 'Edly' as it gently rolls of the "educated" tongue.


• Before you know it... "Hour" becomes "Aah". Next thing you know, no-one's saying "I'll be there in an hour" it's now "I'll be there in an aah".

Don't you dare say I never warned you. I'm looking out for your best interests here...

Today's assignment: Ask any black person to spell the word 'embarrassment' to you. Just as a test.

Listen very carefully as he/she (usually a she - no idea why) fixes her lips, clears her throat and then starts off:

E-M-B-A-

(...just as you least expect it. She hits you with the A-bomb...)

-aah-aah-A-S-S-M-E-N-T

WHAAAT!?

In that nasal English accent she's been practising so vehemently after every episode of any given American TV show.

It's not like I can't spell 'embarrassment' that's basically how it'll sound as it blesses your inexperienced ears as the "educated" folk showers you with years of Joint-Matriculation Board English.

All "R's" become "aah's" simply coz it's so uncool to pronounce the letter R as it God intended.

Why? Because that's how it was meant to be pronounced. You're just behind. You haven't caught up with the times yet.

Beware of the dangerously educated black tongue!

edit:
Don't EVER ask the "educated" black person to say "Rick Ross". All you'll hear is "Wick Woss" - You don't want that!