Things that suck: PIES!

Let's get one thing clear... Pies suck.

I know this because I've been eating pies for a very long time, and regardless of the fact mentioned above, it was only till yesterday that I realised that pies are just useless.

I mean, there's just a huge collection of flaky pastry and some stew-like meat filling inside. What the hell is that about? You bite the damn thing a couple times before you even reach the damn meat which has been strategically placed at the center, just to frustrate the hell out of your hunger.

That's another thing pies completely choose to ignore - the reason you're eating one in the first place - to eliminate hunger!

You take the time, effort and energy to buy a pie; find some way to unwrap the wrapper; ultimately end up eating the damn thing, only to end up with pastry flakes all over your face and an unfilled stomach.

I think whoever decided to put meat in between dough, must've intended it to be a starter. NOT something you can eat when you're really hungry. NOT something to eat for lunch, for instance.

That's all I'm saying.

I've decided I'm never gonna eat a pie ever again. It's a complete waste of time, energy and everything else in between.

Done.

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I see fat people... and they're running

Here's one thing I just can't understand. FAT PEOPLE RUNNING. And I don't mean fat as in a little chubby, or with a bit of "baby fat". No no no no... *shaking head vigorously*

Not looking like this -->

I'm talking really fat. Like borderline-obese fat.

Lord knows I love me some meat on ladies, but there's a very thick line between the typa thick I like and unacceptably large! A thick one. Fos instance, if you can't life your leg without assistance... but that's a story for another day!

I'm sure they're just following doctors' orders, but let's get real here. Who's gonna help you if you're out on the road sweating last night's midnight binge off? Who's gonna carry you?

Here's how I reckon these people end up running around in the streets...

1. (S)he's chilling at home at a healthy weight. Has nothing better to do, so they start having "snacks" in front of the TV or computer coz they're so bored.
2. Two years down the line, they're at an uncontrollable weight due to all the hobbilessness and binge eating.
3. They get a mini-heart attack, get rushed to the hospital, and get instructed to either join a gym, start excercising or eating healthier.
4. So they figure there's a loophole somewhere. So they decide to rather keep eating whatever they want and run it off.
   A win-win solution, right? WRONG!!!
5. And that's how they end up jiggling all over the streets!

Simple. Isn't it?

Here's an even simpler solution:

1. Don't eat EVERYTHING in sight!
2. Eat healthy foods, you don't have to eat healthy when you hit 200+ kilograms.
3. Run (or whatever) NOW! Don't wait till you have to do it!
4. Don't wait till it's too late!

See, it's 4 simple steps versus your 5-step programme. Think about it.

ATT: Fat people

• If you're extremely huge for reasons other than over-eating, laziness, "I-love-me-some-McDonald's", eating when you should be sleeping, sleeping while you're eating, eating while you're sleeping, eating unhealthy food, etc. Ignore this blog post. Actually... DON'T READ IT AT ALL! Stop reading!
• PLEASE DON'T SIT ON ME!
  

Deuces!

:p

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Inspirational breakups

I think the numer one motivator for any artist's success rests in their heart.

It's only after we get our hearts broken that we rise to greatness. I guess it has something to do with wanting to show the ex that you are much better without them, or that they were standing in the way of your greatness.

Success is always the best revenge anyway, so when artists like Will.I.Am, Kanye West and Usher wanted to get creative, they dug deep. Really deep. Deep to where the pieces of their broken hearts lay.


Look at the crazy success Usher got from the Confessions album (after his breakup from Chilli from TLC). The resounding success of Kanye's 808s & Heartbreaks album. The awesomeness that is Will.I.Am's Songs About Girls (after an 8-year long relatinship came to an end). All these albums were made big by the fact that these artists found inspiration from getting their hearts broken.

Heartbreak is so inspirational that most of these artists most popular songs are those about getting their hearts broken. Here's a short list, off the top of my head:

• Usher - Burn (the whole Confessions album - both of them)
• Kanye West - Love Lockdown
• Kanye West - Heartless
• Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreaks (the whole damn album!)
• Drake - Karaoke
• Will.I.Am - Heartbreaker (which is really one long apology)
• Craig David - Walking Away
• Beyonce - Irreplaceable
• Lil Wayne ft Rick Ross - Single Again
• Blackstreet - Don't Leave
• Usher - Separated
• Usher - Moving Mountains
• Maxwell - Pretty Wings
• Maxwell - BLACKsummer'snight (most of the songs on the album)

Also worth mentioning is that some songs on Drake's Thank Me Later album seem to have a simillar theme. He mentions an ex-girl in a couple songs, so I assume there's a story there. We'll only know once he opens up in some interview somewhere...

Chris Brown and Tyga's latest single, Deuces, is even more testament to this theory...

Bottom line: If you're looking for inspiration, motivation or a reason to start something - get heart-broken!

After-thought: Seems most of these "I'm sorry, take me back" songs are by male artists and the "go to hell, you bastard" songs are by the women. I'm not sure whether to :) or :'(


Oh well...

Deuces!
:p

Did I leave anybody out?

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Enough Soweto already!

I'm sick and tired of everything happening in Soweto! Seriously.

I know it's the biggest township yada yada and all that jazz, but seriously, there are other more deserving townships and communities in South Africa!

Everything that has anything to do with charity or some needy community anywhere in SA, always takes place in Soweto for some reason. As if all the other townships are fine and Soweto's playing catch-up. Why is that?

If there's any charoty that needs blankets to fight off the winter cold... guess where it is... SOWETO!
Nike built some soccer thing "for disadvantaged communities" and guess where it is? That's right... SO-freaking-WETO!

Why?

Do these big international companies even know about other more deserving, far less priveleged communities anywhere else in South Africa? I don't think so.

Yes, there may be some parts of Soweto that aren't as developed as others, but that's not the issue. What about those communities/townships that have nothing at all to begin with? How many townships you know have a fully fledged mall? A mall, in the hood. How many? I only know of one. And guess where it is... SOWETO!

Hasn't Soweto got enough facilities and tourist attractions already? How many people know about the other parts of this beautiful country of ours?

When tourists come to South Africa some go to the beach, others go on some Safari... where do the rest go? Again... SOWETO!

Why are all the other provinces not doing as much to promote the history, heritage and overall exposure of their townships?
Or maybe let me as this... What needs to happen in your community before you have enough reason to market it as a tourist destination? Do we need another political uprising? A billionnaire to build a mall around your block?

Get up and do something! Invest in your own. Otherwise Soweto's gonna take over.

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Women lie!

...ALL THE TIME!

And their biggest one isn't the usual "I've never done that before", "I'm pregnant" or the "it's your baby" lie. Nooooooo...

Their biggest and most frequent lie is... wait for it... you ready?... OK... here it comes... The biggest and most frequent lie told by women all the way from 16 to 61 is... "I'm going on a diet!" POW! There it is!

Be careful, this lie comes in many different forms... It can be just three
simple words: "I'm on a diet." or the longer version: "I can't eat that, I'm on
a diet.".

LIES!

The sad part is that this lie is extremely popular amongst the black community. Unfortunately.

This famous lie usually comes early on a Monday morning, when said female realises that they were a bit over-indulgent over the weekend and it's time to change their ways. As if that's gonna change anything.

Do this: On any given Monday, ask a female colleauge if she want to join you for some KFC (or whatever temptation you can throw her direction) for lunch, and look at her face get all minced up as she thinks of the right tone to use in delivering the lie... *face all messed up: "No thanks, I can't, I'm on a diiiiet! (pronounced: daaiyet)".

Then give her a maximum of two days and see if you wont spot her munching down a McD's burger and a Coke during Wednesday's lunch.

A plain lie right there!

How often do you hear a particular woman say they're on a diet, and yet no one notices any change in her weight?

And all females love this lie. Each and EVE-RY-ONE of them. Well, at least those who are concerned about such.

If only women were to realise that there's no quick fix to that bulging waist-line. It takes more than a two-day diet to help you get back in shape or stay in shape. Eat right. Regardless of how much or how little you eat. As long as you eat what your body needs. NOT what you fat molecules are craving!

Stay real!

:)

Deuces!

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Social networking killed the blog-star!

Okay, I know blogging is part of the social networking umbrella, but still.

I think Twitter and Facebook have single-handedly driven real opinion blogging to the ground. I know this because over the past few months (if not years) I've blogged less and less. Simply because it's so much easier to whip out my phone, log into FB or Twitter, update and log off all in 3 minutes or less.

The convenience of real-time "updating" has become the biggest thing to hit the internet since the instant messaging.

So as a resolve, I've decided to cut down on my FB and Twitter activity, and reserve my opinions for my blog. I know it probably doesn't make a lotta sense, but I think I've established myself enough as a social media addict, to drive people to my blog now.

So as from now on I'm gonna try concentrate more on this blog than my social networking accounts.

In case you wanna stalk me, feel free to follow me on Twitter.

Deuces!
:p

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Check BBM*

I've come to notice something...

People will do anything to get some sort of social acceptance in their circles.

Have you noticed how many people now have the ultimate "I may not have much, but I have this" item? In case you're wondering what I'm talking about, I'm talking about a BlackBerry.
Almost everyone who gets a chance at it, wants it and gets it. Ahh, the joy of wanting to fit in. I don't think people get BlackBerrys for their sheer ease of use, or whatever. I think people get them now as a way of showing that they've made it.

Got a new job? Get a BlackBerry.
Got a promotion? Get a BlackBerry.
Got proposed to? Why not get a BlackBerry to go with that?
Got a threesome? Get a BlackBerry so you can social-network about it!
Got a tattoo? Why not get a BlackBerry so you can share a blurry pic with all your closest friends and family?

That's how it is now.

Noticed how many other handheld manufacturers are copying the QWERTY-keyboard layout of BlackBerry? Almost all the big guns in the industry are making QWERTT-keyboard phones now. From Nokia to Samsung to LG; eve-ry-body!

Do you know how long BB has been around? How come you always used to diss it for being bulky and too complicated, but you hear some American singer praise it in a few hundred songs, now it's the very best thing since sliced cheese!?

I'm sure BlackBerry's market share rose a few hundred percentage points over the past 24months due to black people wanting to get themselves the very best in "Hey, look I made it!" of accessories.

Gratz BB!

via Blogger for BlackBerry.

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